A milestone and a certain type of classroom came to pass last Tuesday night. I picked up Grace in the High School Parking lot after a late-night return from her lacrosse road game. Today she headed off to the DMV and easily passed her drivers test. This means that after what seems like a life time, I am done driving kids around for their activities. When all four were fully involved there were nights that I was on the road for 3 and half hours without leaving town. Monday mornings before work were often an hour of planning the logistics for the week to get everybody were they needed to be. This sometimes included working in extra stops to curry favors with a carpool or two and figuring out who I would drive and who Amy would drive; often times dropped off by one of us and picked up by the other. There was the logistics of planning meals based on who would be home and what could be cooked. It meant that some nights dinner was frozen pizza or peanut butter sandwiches in the car or maybe in a parking lot either waiting to pick somebody up or a pause after dropping somebody off. Everyone liked peanut butter sandwiches and the water bottles were always close by because honestly, I like a lot of peanut butter on my sandwich and until recently thought everyone else did too. These logistics often meant packing the vehicle the night before with sporting gear and cleanish uniforms, guitars, piano books, band uniforms, softball gloves, leotards, violins, sparing gear and the occasional overnight bag to work in a sleep over. This part of my parenting is essentially done and while the stress of it I will not miss, there are parts of it I will.
Grace and I talked about how I will miss the parenting part, the part where you get to be with your kids. I will miss the taboo stops into a bar near guitar practice to have a couple root beers, I will miss the honest and unguarded conversations that happen. The conversations that took place because the kids were willing to talk and share at a time when the had pretty much undivided attention. I will miss listening to their sibling banter that gave insight into what was going on in their lives that they wouldn’t tell me. I will miss watching all of them at practice not so much sport but socialization as they ‘bounded off’ to their activity and engaged their peers before and after practice. Agreed that these moments were likely a small percentage compared to me hollering about forgotten shin guards, water bottles, or time-management. I know the latter will be remember more by the kids than the prior sentiment, but we do what we can. These endless loops around town became a type of classroom and I had a chance to be a parent teacher. Cracking jokes at the expense of other drivers, teaching the kids about a kind of humor, sarcasm. Talking about the music we were listening to and the lyrical meanings of the art. Relationships, politics, religion, school and myriad other topics were discussed in small bite sized portions that helped me to do my job of parenting and their job as kids to learn. That car-sized classroom pretty much has closed up but I can only hope that if they remember it that they remember it fondly and that it helped to create a foundation that will continue even if the roles change.
